"FUTURE WAR"
("Best Entertainment"; DVD; 2009):
Incredible that this movie seems to be really from 2009, the special effects are more than down below any standrads even low ones of today and look by far more like they would have been done and used for low budget Action Sci-Fi movies of the early to mid 1990's or so, but even then the quality would have been damn fucking low, hm, but okay, the backcover of the DVD says 2009 and who am I to question it anyway, so okay, that's it for this. But, nah, you know me, I questioned it, and so it turned out that this is a movie already from 1997. So my impression with the mid 1990's was pretty correct after all. Age and experience in thrashy movies, yes, it's really a gift, haha;-). Okay, but this isn't making anything about the special effects anyhow in anyway better, seriously not, and also it makes nothing anyhow in anyway better in case of all other things that are wrong with this one. This movie was back then a direct to video affair, no wondering about it, but for this DVD re-release some could have maybe overworked the material at least a little bit somewhere here and somewhere there. But, okay, anyhow and so on... But to all of this we will come later on in this review on it, on "FUTURE WAR". And what else is to tell, what do we have here if we look past beyond the abysmal effects and stuff like this? Okay, this is basically some sort of a "TERMINATOR" ripp off affair or something like this, with the ''movie star'' Daniel Bernhardt known from "MATRIX RELOADED", "MATRIX REVOLUTION" and "BLOODSPORT" Vol. II, III and IV as the main actor and character. Here we get loads of time travels, like hairy gay Bikers looking Cyborgs complete clothed in studs and leather and so on, some Raptors like Dinosaures as the pets of the Cyborgs to hunt humans, humans hold as slaves, former street prostitutes that became catholic nuns, stupid cops, mexican/latinamerican weapon dealers, and street gangs with shotguns on the attack on the Dinosaures and Cyborgs, and MMA Kick Box Action on top of it all as well. So we have: Cyborgs, Dinosaures, Whores, MMA Kick Boxing Fighting Action, Weapon Dealers, Street Gangs, dumb Cops, Time Travles, Hunt on Humans, the whole Human Population held as Slaves, so, ha, what could ya ask more for? All ingredients of a potentially soon to be a classic movie we have here, haha;-)!!!
So the story goes pretty much like this:
In the future, when the technology of time travels and space ships and other far developed stuff like this already exist things has changed drastically. The rulers are intelligent and violent machines, Cyborgs, that managed to enslave the complete remaining humans that hadn't been exterminated by them. Mankind made to slaves or annihilated by superior machines? You think that you maybe already know this from somewhere? If you now think about the legendary immortally great "TERMINATOR" saga then you're maybe not that damn wrong after all. All we get to know is basically that the Cyborgs are promoted as a ''master race of cyborgs'' that used to travel from the future and ''made abductions from Earth's past'' and they made also even the Dinosaures to their compagnons, because ''the dinosaurs were trained as trackers'' and ''the humans were bred as slaves'', maybe on planet earth in a future period, maybe somewhere else, but anyhow, the humans that were bred as slaves still believe in a place called heaven and this for them is our good old planet earth in our more or less present time. Yeahr, I can hear and see it goes ring, ring, ring: "Heaven is a place on earth!" or something like this. ;-) Just guessing...
So then one day there's a runaway slave skilled in MMA and Kick Boxing that makes it to heaven a.k.a. our planet earth in our present time and that is no one else than the already above mentioned Daniel Bernhardt, is running out of the water of the ocean (which one ever) on land, he comes from somewhere to our earth, after we see at the beginning a space ship flying through the space as well as over planet surfaces he maybe jumped from board when the space ship made a tank stop at a gasoline station near by or so, but anyhow, he's soon followed by a grim Cyborg and his blood thirsty Dinosaure that come also out of the ocean and first kill a bum that's sleeping at the beach and then start to follow the escaped slave. What's pretty funny is the fact, that the Cyborg as well as the Dinosaure aren't really able to see anything in a proper way. I mean, in movies like for example "TERMINATOR" or "PREDATOR " it works damn good and is really great and adds a lot to the intense atmosphere of this amazing movies when suddenly you see what's happening through the eyes of the War Machine or the Alien Assassin, it's really more than just great and I am a big fan of this change of perspectives for example in the mentioned movies. But here it is like the Cyborgs with this cheap infrared view and the Dinosaures that sees everything and all in deep and blood red aren't really able to see anything because it basically looks just red in the case of the Dinosaures or it looks like a broken TV screen showing only black and white chaos with some few colors floating randomly over the screen in the case of the Cyborg, so they simply aren't able to see anything somewhere. Good for hunting, I guess... It's totally ridiculous. If you don't have the budget to get such things done in a proper way, then why the fuck do it anyway instead of forget about it and do something else that benefits your movie potentially by far more? Just thinking... And what this movie wants to tell me with the use of this crappy retro Nintendo music I also ask myself heavily... Ah, and btw, if a Dinosaure gets killed he soon after it explodes and nothing remains. Leaving no proofs for the CSI guys or so I would guess... Okay, the Cyborg looks like a big fat pretty gay Biker with bad Corpsepaint and long Cuerly Sue hair and goes, so it seems, in the fight against the MMA skilled runaway slave, on the hunt for him, with no weapons at all, call it self-confident or call it lazy or call it stupid or call it not good programmed or not all too well prepared, anyhow, but who cares, while the runaway slave comes in black combat wear and with a knife out of the ocean to heaven, call it clever and call it well prepared or something so like this. Hm, what the movie wants me to tell with this? Anyway, it doesn't matter, because pretty soon both, the Cyborg and its Dinosaure, get their ass kicked back to where they come from and where they belong and better should have stayed. But the Dinosaure kills and at least partially eats another bum. Yes, fifteen minutes run through and the first and so far only persons that got killed were two bums. Hm, if there's any message behind it that the movie is trying to bring through to us... solving the problems of social unequalities in current societies via the use of deadly violence, maybe, or what?!?
So, okay, after this first around fifteen minutes the cops, not really clever and pretty much without a clue what to do, get involved in the action with trying to also hunt down the runaway slave because of his somehow involvement of the bum slaying (before they change their views as well), and finally the former prostitute and now nun comes finally also into play with comming and getting in contact with the former slave and together with her buddies she helps him out or so, in any case she surely helps him so far pretty much out and manages that he survives, and vice verca so he does for her and as anyhow possible her friendly buddies. The MMA skilled slave and the once pretty sexual active nun share the role of the lead character of this movie that so with this gets two of this leading characters. And while over and over again more Cyborgs and especially Dinosaures come and hunt and kill and eat they finally decide to gather the crew (a bunch of Street Kids or so now forming a righteous Street Gang or anything so like this) around, get some weapons from dubious probably mexican or otherwise latinamerican weapon dealers, do some practising with the fire weapons, and then solve the problem by their very own after especially the pack of stupid cops is totally not able to do anything against it, to say it that way. And so the hunters become the hunted and the nun does a lot of storytelling like good old Sarah Connor in the old "TERMINATOR" days. I think I really don't have to tell you anything more, you probably know the story and its ongoing already anyhow. And you can also probably imagine how it all finally ends, so I will also spare me any other words to or about it. So, you see, a damn foreseeable plot without any good fresh ideas but instead of this filled with ridiculous nonsense and utter garbage crappy thrash in its purest form.
The acting isn't really that strong, too say it still nice and especially pretty euphemistic, but (also) in no way a total farce like the abysmal acting in the two direct before this one here reviewed movies. But the special effects, or what they dare to call in the case of this one here so, are as abysmal as they only possible could have been done, no matter if in 2009 or 1997. Personally I am a huge fan of apocalyptic Sci-Fi Action movies stuff and so on, and I don't care as much as if it's a "A-Movie", a B-Movie or what else ever and of course honestly I am also a pretty big fan of what others may would call and label thrash movies, but this one here is for sure nothing to make me smile and feel happy that much at the end of the day. A totally foreseeable story with a lot of blank holes and everything but positive "WTF?!?" moments in the plot, actors that lack a lot of acting skills and also lack a lot of necessary charisma (what counts even more for the lead characters of the movie), a big bunch of dialogues of questionable quality, a incredible bad and sheer truly abysmal german synchronisation, cheap play with social and by movie created clichés, sets and outfits that could have been also used easily for a dumb ass fuck Porno Movie, bullshit music from Nintendo sounds to totally crappy and generic 1990's WWF/WWE Heavy Rock guitar riff stuff, totally ridiculous special effects, a bunch of ugly cheap plastic puppies used as oh so terrorizing Killer-Dinosaures, terrible bad camera arrangments, and what the guys that had done this movie do present us here as Cyborgs is just a so incredible ridiculous farce that I don't know what to say about it and so I better stop here and spare me every word more about it here and now. So, you see, not all in all too much positive points in the record books for this one here. What gives this movie some positive points in the end is the pretty big amount of action going on here and some nice done MMA Kick Box Fights, but when the fight in an MMA and Kick Boxing style goes against a T-Rex like freakiy fuckin' Dinosaure and the MMA fighting human wins also this gets just ridiculous and so soon far down the drain and what and where else ever as well, and that the Dinosaures seem to have especially a hunger and taste for bums and big fat black guys is maybe somehow at least questionable or so... ;-) All in all the running time of this very movie here lies around 81 minutes and it got a FSK16 rating here in Germany so that everyone at the age of sixteen or older is allowed to watch it without getting problems, at least if he or she feels the need to do so, and this is all good and fine for this one here at least from my point of view. What's pretty good is the fact, that this movie is by its very own approach a somewhat somehow serious one, but that in the same moment and case just can't be taken anyhow aynway serious. That's nice, even probably nothing planned by the guys who done it back then.
So, after all: No folks, this is pretty much crap, the only reasons to watch it are some well done nice fighting scenes and because partially this very one here will give you a lot of laughing out loud "LOL! LOL! LOL!" moments, even the movie itself and the guys that done it maybe pretty sure weren't after this as a appreciation of their work that they have delivered here to us with this very movie here, the "FUTURE WAR", but or better: and that's all what's the outcome after all. I bought this movie some years ago for something like 2,50 Euro, hm, and thinking about it, it maybe even was back then in 2009, could be possible though. If you see it for a pretty low price like this and if you have a faible for the above described and mentioned genre of movies even when the meant one is a very crappy thrashy one, and if you then also like movies that want to be taken serious but are in fact nothing like a ridiculous farce that will make you shake your head and start to laugh out loud heavily in not only one or two moments, or if you like to feel bad and feel somehow even physiacl pain, if this all is the case, then go and get it and give it a good round, but in any other case better stay away from this bullshit. And, to say it precise and direct, one of the most worst "TERMINATOR" ripp offs ever, period. In no way to recommend, point and fact. In no fucking way!!! Totally utter garbage crap, forget about it, period. (1 of 10 points)
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