("The Asylum"; 2008; DVD):
First comes first: My internet or maybe better my internet access was fucked up over the last week or something like this so that's the reason why again for a pretty long while nothing came up here. Okay, that's it for now, so here it goes on again, yes, and after this very month used to start with a new movie review posting finally again we will continue with another one of the movie reviews section kind, before again record reviews and other stuff will come up again as well. And I will continue with this one here, a review on "THE ASYLUM" movie "100 MILLION BC" from primarly 2008... and yes, just by reading the title you may already got it that this is a damn fucking try to rip off "10.000 BC" and cash some money in on it. Keeping in mind that this very one here is from 2008, gets the ''rip off cash in'' conclusion more clear for you? So, okay, beside this pretty equal sounding and so seeming names of the two different movies, "100 MILLION BC" on the one side and "10.000 BC" on the other side, this one here is pretty much some sort of a rip off of "JURASSIC PARK II: THE LOST WORLD" enriched with a time machine travel scenery to it all. Ah, and btw you may also know by a look at the name of "THE ASYLUM" what you have to expect. I didn't know it before, but I know about it now, so you better be warned. So, okay, the story of this one here is now coming in and through the mist for you all, but maybe don't expect too much coming out there, I mean out of the mentioned mist, so, yehp, yehp, here we go: In the 1940's a U.S. Military sponsored and started science projection succeeded in sending a group of scientists through time right back into the times when Dinosaures walked the earth... and ruled it. Unfortunately for the poor bastards that travelled back in time the project failed in getting them back home. But thank the mighty gods above the leading scientists back in our present time was the brother of the leader of the bunch of time travelling scientists and after they seemed to be good brothers he wanted to get his brother if anyhow possible back, and this by best alive, back from the mean hungry Dinosaures, and so he kept on working focussed on the project over a period of more than six decades or so and finally he succeeded in doing so and his command was to get them finally back home, if you want so, and so he commanded and joined a team of Special Forces elite soldiers to go with them back through time to visit some damn Dinosaures and get his brother and the other scientists finally back home with them in our present time. And there they go... and what incredible awesome special effects carry them on their way... it really motivates to hang in there with watching the movie... I mean, a brilliant creative story and almighty special effects matter a lot... especially if you combine it with brilliant actors and also a phenomenal synchronisation... just watch this movie and you will understand this writing. (And I know that this is a B-Movie if not even a Z-Movie but it's still from 2008 so there are no excuses or any reasons why the special effects are on the same ''high'' level of quality like the ''Ninjy Mystic'' special effects of "AMERICAN FIGHTER II" respectively "AMERICAN NINJA II", so you see, I'm not unfair to the movie and its creators.) So okay, they jump through the time portal or time gate straight and direct back to the time of the walking and ruling Dinosaures and the missed in action scientists, and what happens next? Come on you've got three tries free, do your best! Three tries? Free? Okay, here's the call for all three, one after another, up and away we go:
(01.) The most of the Special Forces Soldiers get killed by a bunch of Dinosaures that are meant to be evil smart Raptors (that also demonstarte some ''fascinating'' special abilities) and monstrous meat eating flowers and other deadly stuff and beings, and so also the soldier team leader, one of the few characters that speaks more than only a few words and that owns some sort of charisma and so is one of the few characters with the potential to identify with, but very soon he gets killed by the hungry Dinosaures. Before the whole rescue troop gets killed and eaten up by the Raptors the so far survived members of the group of scientists that travelled in the 1940's to the Dinosaures help them and rescue them. And, suprise, suprise, in contrast to the pretty old grown leading scientist of the time travel project his brother and the rest of the survivors are still in their glorious heydays, the women are still hot like hell (or so) and the men still tough as nails (or so), and are clothed like cavemen or something like this. Anyhow, so they start to get away out of the territory of the Raptors, trying to stay alive and also trying to save their deadly wounded comrade from the death, for sure after the joy was big that they finally met (again).
(02.) On their way out of the Raptors territory back to the time portal they meet a Dinosaure biggie, probably meant to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex or in short a: T-Rex, that eats up their anyhow meant to die injured comrade and then manages to go back through time, the crew that desperately wants to travel back in our present time succeeds. But guess what, righty right, the T-Rex follows them. Whoaaa, suprise, who would have thought that, so, okay.
(03.) And then they manage to make it back through the time protal into our present time, like already mentioned, and, yes, right, the T-Rex manages it as well, like also already managed, and starts to run amok and spread chaos and disorder and violence and carnage in the streets of the city known as L.A. while ''they'' try desperately everything to finally stop the Dinosaure. That's the story and how it goes you can easily figure out for yourself just by thinking about it for a short, short while.
So, if this had been your three tries, this or something close to this three ones, you had been right and already knowing the deal behind it all. So, okay, the story is foreseeable deep down to its core. And far more worse than this it's also even not making really that much sense after all. (No, not that whole time travel and meet the Dinosaures stuff, I mean, come on, it's fiction, so that's all good and fine, nah, I mean that the whole plot in itself isn't making that much sense after all.) The Dinosaures totally look like shit and are pure utter garbage done by totally IT nutjobs and look even more terrible in the way they are done in general and even far more laughable and ridiculous like the Dinosaures Figures that had been uses through out the for example movies of the 1970's or so. (And back then it couldn't had been done better, but today there are no excuses left.) And the whole special effects are just shit as well. The world in the time of the Dinosaures looks like nothing anyhow linked to what we know today about the environment of the prehistoric times but instead of this it all looks in fact like the old 1980's sets of the legendary "A-TEAM" when the crew travelled to Venezuela or so, minus the crappy Dinosaures. So, you see, don't expect any sort of atmosphere at all. The actors mostly totally lack talent and characters to identify with aren't really to be found, and about the abysmal german synchronisation I won't loose a word. And all in all this movie is so incredible crappy and bad that it's also even not at least not a single little bit sympathic or at last something like this. It's just a incredible waste of ressources and time. So after all I have to admit that it really should have been warning enough for me that this movie runs over and over again and again on the german thrash television channel of the name of "TELE-5". And I also know by now that you also can waste also 2,50 Euros on a movie DVD disc. Won't believe me? Try this one here. Then you will believe me. And I also ask myself for what reasons ever this movie got a FSK-18 rating (so that he's only ''free'' for eighteen years old grown up young adults here in Germany), because anyhow something gory or what the hell else ever you simply just can't find here. And I also ask myself, why ever this movie saw since his first release in 2008 so many re-releases. Anyway, after all, this movie is nothing but unbeatable bullshit and not even for total Dinosaures nerds anyhow interesting or somehow satisfying. It runs around eighty minutes and believe me, after watching it you know that this eighty minutes no one ever will give you back. The DVD also contains some Bonus Material, but I preferred to take it out of the DVD player instead of suffering also through this crap. The real life names of the lead actors are Michael Gross, Christopher Atkins and Greg Evigan, and this poor bastards must have been incredible desperate or made high against their will to act their part in this farce of a movie. Utter garbage, nothing else. (0 of 10 points)
Here you can find and see the extended official trailer for "100 MILLION BC", then you will know already more:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcc2hzHdL7o
(01.) The most of the Special Forces Soldiers get killed by a bunch of Dinosaures that are meant to be evil smart Raptors (that also demonstarte some ''fascinating'' special abilities) and monstrous meat eating flowers and other deadly stuff and beings, and so also the soldier team leader, one of the few characters that speaks more than only a few words and that owns some sort of charisma and so is one of the few characters with the potential to identify with, but very soon he gets killed by the hungry Dinosaures. Before the whole rescue troop gets killed and eaten up by the Raptors the so far survived members of the group of scientists that travelled in the 1940's to the Dinosaures help them and rescue them. And, suprise, suprise, in contrast to the pretty old grown leading scientist of the time travel project his brother and the rest of the survivors are still in their glorious heydays, the women are still hot like hell (or so) and the men still tough as nails (or so), and are clothed like cavemen or something like this. Anyhow, so they start to get away out of the territory of the Raptors, trying to stay alive and also trying to save their deadly wounded comrade from the death, for sure after the joy was big that they finally met (again).
(02.) On their way out of the Raptors territory back to the time portal they meet a Dinosaure biggie, probably meant to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex or in short a: T-Rex, that eats up their anyhow meant to die injured comrade and then manages to go back through time, the crew that desperately wants to travel back in our present time succeeds. But guess what, righty right, the T-Rex follows them. Whoaaa, suprise, who would have thought that, so, okay.
(03.) And then they manage to make it back through the time protal into our present time, like already mentioned, and, yes, right, the T-Rex manages it as well, like also already managed, and starts to run amok and spread chaos and disorder and violence and carnage in the streets of the city known as L.A. while ''they'' try desperately everything to finally stop the Dinosaure. That's the story and how it goes you can easily figure out for yourself just by thinking about it for a short, short while.
So, if this had been your three tries, this or something close to this three ones, you had been right and already knowing the deal behind it all. So, okay, the story is foreseeable deep down to its core. And far more worse than this it's also even not making really that much sense after all. (No, not that whole time travel and meet the Dinosaures stuff, I mean, come on, it's fiction, so that's all good and fine, nah, I mean that the whole plot in itself isn't making that much sense after all.) The Dinosaures totally look like shit and are pure utter garbage done by totally IT nutjobs and look even more terrible in the way they are done in general and even far more laughable and ridiculous like the Dinosaures Figures that had been uses through out the for example movies of the 1970's or so. (And back then it couldn't had been done better, but today there are no excuses left.) And the whole special effects are just shit as well. The world in the time of the Dinosaures looks like nothing anyhow linked to what we know today about the environment of the prehistoric times but instead of this it all looks in fact like the old 1980's sets of the legendary "A-TEAM" when the crew travelled to Venezuela or so, minus the crappy Dinosaures. So, you see, don't expect any sort of atmosphere at all. The actors mostly totally lack talent and characters to identify with aren't really to be found, and about the abysmal german synchronisation I won't loose a word. And all in all this movie is so incredible crappy and bad that it's also even not at least not a single little bit sympathic or at last something like this. It's just a incredible waste of ressources and time. So after all I have to admit that it really should have been warning enough for me that this movie runs over and over again and again on the german thrash television channel of the name of "TELE-5". And I also know by now that you also can waste also 2,50 Euros on a movie DVD disc. Won't believe me? Try this one here. Then you will believe me. And I also ask myself for what reasons ever this movie got a FSK-18 rating (so that he's only ''free'' for eighteen years old grown up young adults here in Germany), because anyhow something gory or what the hell else ever you simply just can't find here. And I also ask myself, why ever this movie saw since his first release in 2008 so many re-releases. Anyway, after all, this movie is nothing but unbeatable bullshit and not even for total Dinosaures nerds anyhow interesting or somehow satisfying. It runs around eighty minutes and believe me, after watching it you know that this eighty minutes no one ever will give you back. The DVD also contains some Bonus Material, but I preferred to take it out of the DVD player instead of suffering also through this crap. The real life names of the lead actors are Michael Gross, Christopher Atkins and Greg Evigan, and this poor bastards must have been incredible desperate or made high against their will to act their part in this farce of a movie. Utter garbage, nothing else. (0 of 10 points)
Here you can find and see the extended official trailer for "100 MILLION BC", then you will know already more:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcc2hzHdL7o
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