SNOW SHARKS (Shark Slasher Horror brought to us by "SPLENDID FILM", "THE CARTEL", and "TITAN GLOBAL ENTERTAINMENT" in 2014.)

"SNOW SHARKS"

("SPLENDID FILM" & "THE CARTEL" & "TITAN GLOBAL ENTERTAINMENT"; DVD)
(Released - at least in form of this particular DVD edition under that name/title - in: 2014)

Hey folks, it's been a while, a very long while now... oh no, not what you think, not in case of this blog in its whole entirely but just and this very definite in case of the ''Movie Reviews'' up here. The last one was from now on posted nearly two years ago, oh man, so you or I or we maybe could say that it is definitely really and truly by far about time that a new one, a new "Movie Reviews" post/article is finally coming up. (At least from my point of view.) Okay, and so here it is, the first new "Movie Reviews" post in or since nearly two years and it's a review on one of the finest examples of the art of movie-making and its highest stand of play today, a review of one of the very finest examples of how great and intense and grapping and atmospheric and sheer overwhelming and outstanding amazing a movie today can really be, because this is a movie that definitely defnies the highest of the high standards of really quality movies of today totally new in a drastic, radical, and yes, in an even extreme way, this is a review on... pffffff, nah... this is a review on of the most shittiest crappy movies ever made and released, a review on one hell of a total cineastic farce that carries the title: "SNOW SHARKS"; and so now here it comes:

 

First of all I have to admit that I don't really have any clou why the hell ever this whole "Shark Slasher" or "Shark Horror" stuff as a subgenre of this whole "Beast Horror" or "Beast Slasher" thing enjoys itself so much support this days with countless movies being made and released and somehow celebrated, from "SHARKTOPUS", "SHARKNADO", "TWO HEADED SHARK ATTACK", "ZOMBIE SHARK", "GHOST SHARK", and to how-ever else this mostly totally abysmal countless legions of pretty much mostly identical crappy cineastic infamous actions may else ever be named. One of the very rare few better ones (not good ones in the sense of a good movie, hell no, but one of the better ones of this round dance of bullshit) was or is "SAND SHARKS" with it's pretty funny weird story and a somehow not totally embarassing cast, and with a sexxxy bombshell like Brooke Hogan playing very convincing the role of a well-fortified scientist - not. And here is the successor of "SAND SHARKS", titled "SNOW SHARKS". And after in "SAND SHARKS" the sharks thought that the oceans and the water weren't enough for them anymore and started to swim through the sand and this even more deadly and even more vicious and incredible fertile now this time here in "SNOW SHARKS" the sharks climbed the mountains and started to swim the snow, like the title suggests, hm, but that's not that all correct because rather than they climbed the mountains to swim in the snow and hunting skiers the sharks or in fact and by far better the "SNOW SHARKS" bombed right down to earth and into the snow from out of the dephts of space, so it's like alien sharks with the ability to swim choosed the snowily winter in one godforsaken U.S. American small mountain town with its wanna-be tourist/holiday spring-break-in-the-snow-party paradise as their chosen hunting time and place and now they are on the hunt for fresh human flesh to still their ever growing hunger for, of course, human flesh and blood. So the totally crappy but really funny and in a symptahic way absolutely weird and childish "scientifical" explanation that was created and used to explain why the sharks now prefer to swim in the sand instead of the water that was used in "SAND SHARKS" was thrown into the junk bucket and instead of this here in "SNOW SHARKS" the makers fob us with a lame and ordinary alien and magic/paranormal phenomenon dingle-dangle. And as if this wouldn't be already worse enough with this change of directions in the explanation and background story of the movie the makers also cutted the role of the sexxxy and well-fortified scientist from the movie, and with this they also cutted Brooke Hogan from their new over-natural and now even extra-terrestrial shark beasts movie. Okay, if you want to see her, which means Brooke Hogan, again taking on the fight against over-natural shark killing machines than check out "TWO HEADED SHARK ATTACK", in which she plays also very convincing and very reputable a biology scholar on an expedition - not. Hm, but Emily Adison is taking her place in "SNOW SHARKS", she seems to be or shall be be a well-known U.S. Hardcore Porn Star but after I am not that familiar with Porn (because I prefer real Sex compared with giving me the five by myself, so sorry but maybe just ask the almighty Google gods and you will pretty sure get a quick answer or far more than just one answer in which format you ever want) I can't even tell you who she is and who she acts here in "SNOW SHARKS". But maybe that's all also not the important anyhow, because after pretty much all the in parts more hot and sexy and in other parts less hot and sexy and in some parts just totally cheap and lousy girls - or should I say babes...;-)... - that act their parts here in "SNOW SHARKS" look more or less like Porn Stars and big and by human hands optimized boobs are jumping up and down on screen all the time I am pretty sure that you will find enough to look out for, in case you are looking for some Porn like, hm, let us say: "atmosphere". And in fact due to all the half-naked girls and all the optimized jumping boobs you can easily get the impression that you are looking a Porn movie, at least one of the Soft Porn kind... something that mostly all the "Beast Horror" or "Beast Slasher" movies know to, ah, okay, let us say to "gleam'n'sparkle" with... I think you get what I am saying with this... so just let us say that "SNOW SHARKS" perfectly lives up to the fullfillment of this cliché or standard that ones had been set (by whom ever else, but Sex -  still - sells - best - , I guess), and so it's maybe perfectly aimed at its dedicated and passionated target group, who knows. So okay, now you have all the background informations that you need, but before we now go on to the story and all the other stuff I just will close this part or paragraph of this review post or article with saying that I also today and even more after watching "SNOW SHARKS" still don't have a single reliable clou why this whole "Shark Horror"/"Shark Slasher" stuff enjoys itself so much sort of fame these days. Maybe because of the Soft Porn "atmosphere", but if so then why not watch right up a (Soft) Porn, why the need for all the sharks... but here's maybe not the place for discussing something to which no real answers may can ever be found... and especially is here not the place for any psychological discussions about primal fears and/or fetishs, so just let us go ahead.

 

After all the background informations now let us come to the story and the acting here of and in "SNOW SHARKS": So, okay, to the story pretty much all is said above, so expect over-natural alien sharks swimming the snow hunting their human prey and leaving the snow blood red. Beside the changed explanation and the changed place the story and the characters are pretty much exactly the same as in "SAND SHARKS". Plutocratic and nepotistic business men and local politicians want to unleash one hell of money making spring break party week machinery and kick it off not worrying about first missed persons and first blood ruts in the sand, nah, in the snow and even less caring about the crazy warning talkings of a old crazy grumpy guy that rides the snow with his sled dogs and his automatic rifles and knows of the unleashed alien sharks on their hungry hunt, and so the mayhem and the killing in the snow begins. Also a lot of the happenings of "SAND SHARKS" had been re-used in "SNOW SHARKS", like for example the bike race in or over the sand dunes, just that they ride here a snowmobile race over the snowy hills, just as one of many examples. Pretty funny is also that the spring break party (week) here in "SNOW SHARKS" is named a total success (before the killing really kicks off) but you just see a handful of guys run around, exactly like the beach-techno-party-festival in "SAND SHARKS" was a total success with its twenty or something like this visitors... Beside this also the characters are totally exchangable with the characters displayed in the precursor movie: So expect "tons of" big boobed half naked crying optimized babes, lame wanna-be "heroes" (that are, of course, well-served roughnecked U.S. Marine Corps heroes already at the age of twenty-five or so), a weird and crazy pretty Redneck like styled local old grumpy men knowing the deal and more or less coming from out of nowhere, corrupt business men and local politicians and their dumb and smug sidekicks, and faceless and very often big boobed victims non stopp, okay, you know the deal. Hm, but even anyhow real creativity would maybe be really too much expected maybe a little change of the formula is something we still could have asked for anyhow. Maybe... even it seems that maybe not. Beside this expect also a happy end in the face of many bloody deaths and some at the end insightful evil scoundrels, and a total bullshit end or a total crappy analytic explosion of how the alien shark trouble is solved in the end, but more I won't tell you about this masterstroke of creative storywriting and cineastic storytelling, trust me, you have to experience it for and by yourself to really believe it. But be aware of it, because it comes so quick and unflashy and without any attracting attention - like it had also started - so that you easily can miss it. Ah, but be sure that it's also an open end, so that the door is not closed for a part two of the attacking "SNOW SHARKS" from outta space... good news, right...?!? To the acting I will spare me any words beside one: Abysmal. That's enough. And, btw, that's also the only thing that can be said about the german synchronisation, so let us keep it short. Just some short more words to the cast: beside the above already mentioned U.S. Porn Star Emily Addison the other "big names" in/of the "SNOW SHARKS" cast are Kate Nauta (known - maybe even not so good, at least in my case - from "TRANSPORTER II: THE MISSION"), Eric Scott Woods (known - but also not so good, again at least in my case - from "JONAH HEX"), and Gina Holden (unknown to me, acted in the garbage movie "FINAL DESTINATION III", so it's no wonder why she is totally unknown to me), hm, and maybe they all were totally desponded or desillusioned or high on bad drugs or in serious fiscal troubles or simply too long out of work and too untalented for making any other better movies than stuff like this or what ever reasons else drove them to acting their parts here in "SNOW SHARKS", nah, but I can't imagine that this will benefit their careers in any positive way after all. And btw, just to close this lines then let me tell you that to the incredible special effects only one word can be used to describe them properly, and I think I used it already above and just short before here and now, because this word is: Abysmal. Or better: ABYSMAL!!! Some so incredible crappy garbage I haven't seen in a long, long while. While the special effects in "SAND SHARKS" were all the way totally okay and even pretty cool and really pretty good for a B-Movie the special effects used here in "SNOW SHARKS" are worser than worse. You don't even see one single "complete" shark for only one short time, no... I think more words don't need to be wasted on it, all is said. Just let yourself not be fooled by the after all still somehow pretty cool cover art of the DVD. Ah, last words here: The movie jumps right and straight into the action, no tension is being build, no atmosphere is being created. But that's pretty much how this all "Beast Horror"/"Beast Slasher" stuff of today works in general, so not blaming the "SNOW SHARKS" for it... or not that heavily, at least. So better let us close it here and now.

 

That also counts for the whole review on "SNOW SHARKS". The movie is bullshit and after all even worse than for example a creative explosion and cineastic masterstroke like "TWO HEADED SHARK ATTACK", and it's definitely far worse than its precursor movie "SAND SHARKS", even it's a nearly complete (but also nearly complete crappy) copy of it, and without "SAND SHARKS" being a really good movie after all, just to make this clear. The only things that speak for "SNOW SHARKS" are:

 

(1.) It's after all very often so cheap, crappy, and bad that it's again pretty funny and entertaining, especially when you see and use it as sort of a party movie. So pack your living room full with good friends and some crappy but tasty junk food and fill your fridge or ice box with some beer and other alcoholic drinks, and I mean a lot of it, as well as some big loads of in best case sugar and coffein fueled soft drinks for the poor guys that need to drive the rest of the pack home later that night, put "SNOW SHARKS" in your DVD player (I'm pretty sure that also a Blue-Ray version is out, just if you want to experience and enjoy the special effects in Blue-Ray quality...), open some brews (which means a lot of brews), and then let the fun begin... and trust me, it's by far more than enough when you just let the movie run on your screen in the background of funny conversations with your good friends, you won't have any problems to jump into the story and action again on any desired point of the running movie, and you surely won't miss anything. It's a pretty entertaining "party" movie after all, and that's it. And maybe that's after all enough and all you can a movie like this ask for... it's pretty sure all.

 

(2.) The second - and last or final - reason or thing that speaks for this movie is simply the even more abysmal competition in the "Shark Horror"/"Shark Slasher" genre, because if you have only watched for one time the overgalactic masterstroke that in fact is the almighty "SHARKTOPUS" then you will know that compared with this piece of "art" the "SNOW SHARKS" are gifts of god... This also counts when you look at this whole "Beast Horror"/"Beast Slasher" genre in its whole entirely, because just for example compared with "PIRANHACONDA" the "SNOW SHARKS" also nearly rule... decide for yourself if this is now speaking for "something" or maybe against that certain "something"...

 

That's all, I think I've said all and also enough, by far enough, so if you are a fan of completly thrashy B-Movies (or maybe we should here in this particular case better talk about X-,Y-, or even Z-Movies) and you want a new "party" movie to laugh about and being entertained by while drinking beer, eating junk, and talking and laughing with your friends and you see "SNOW SHARKS" for not a too high price then maybe give it a try and buy it for your next good time movie nights with some good friends, but be sure that this is anything but a recommendation of/by me. And also be sure that if you want a movie like this for a happening like this then for example "SAND SHARKS" or even "TWO HEADED SHARK ATTACK" would be better choices, in case you don't have and/or know them already. So, after all the movie gets the well-deserved rating that you will find right under this line, and then that's all for now which means for this very review, but I really missed Brooke Hogan - not.

 

Rating: 2 of 10 points

(Due to a Babe - factor of 9 of 10 points, hahahaha...;-)...!!!)

 

PS: The movie is released under several different names, beside "SNOW SHARKS" the best known one is maybe "AVALANCHE SHARKS", so don't be fooled when you stand in the shop before them both and really think of buying them both.

 

Here's the trailer (but in german) of "SNOW SHARKS", so that you maybe get an even better impression of what awaits you, nah, and no, it's really not a Soft Porn movie:

 

 

 

 

 

 

"FUTURE WAR" (From "BLOODSPORT" straight through the "MATRIX" into the "FUTURE WAR", the journey of DANIEL BERNHARDT, in parts here on this on DVD from 2009, while the movie is primarly already from 1997.)

"FUTURE WAR"
("Best Entertainment"; DVD; 2009):

Incredible that this movie seems to be really from 2009, the special effects are more than down below any standrads even low ones of today and look by far more like they would have been done and used for low budget Action Sci-Fi movies of the early to mid 1990's or so, but even then the quality would have been damn fucking low, hm, but okay, the backcover of the DVD says 2009 and who am I to question it anyway, so okay, that's it for this. But, nah, you know me, I questioned it, and so it turned out that this is a movie already from 1997. So my impression with the mid 1990's was pretty correct after all. Age and experience in thrashy movies, yes, it's really a gift, haha;-). Okay, but this isn't making anything about the special effects anyhow in anyway better, seriously not, and also it makes nothing anyhow in anyway better in case of all other things that are wrong with this one. This movie was back then a direct to video affair, no wondering about it, but for this DVD re-release some could have maybe overworked the material at least a little bit somewhere here and somewhere there. But, okay, anyhow and so on... But to all of this we will come later on in this review on it, on "FUTURE WAR". And what else is to tell, what do we have here if we look past beyond the abysmal effects and stuff like this? Okay, this is basically some sort of a "TERMINATOR" ripp off affair or something like this, with the ''movie star'' Daniel Bernhardt known from "MATRIX RELOADED", "MATRIX REVOLUTION" and "BLOODSPORT" Vol. II, III and IV as the main actor and character. Here we get loads of time travels, like hairy gay Bikers looking Cyborgs complete clothed in studs and leather and so on, some Raptors like Dinosaures as the pets of the Cyborgs to hunt humans, humans hold as slaves, former street prostitutes that became catholic nuns, stupid cops, mexican/latinamerican weapon dealers, and street gangs with shotguns on the attack on the Dinosaures and Cyborgs, and MMA Kick Box Action on top of it all as well. So we have: Cyborgs, Dinosaures, Whores, MMA Kick Boxing Fighting Action, Weapon Dealers, Street Gangs, dumb Cops, Time Travles, Hunt on Humans, the whole Human Population held as Slaves, so, ha, what could ya ask more for? All ingredients of a potentially soon to be a classic movie we have here, haha;-)!!!

So the story goes pretty much like this:

In the future, when the technology of time travels and space ships and other far developed stuff like this already exist things has changed drastically. The rulers are intelligent and violent machines, Cyborgs, that managed to enslave the complete remaining humans that hadn't been exterminated by them. Mankind made to slaves or annihilated by superior machines? You think that you maybe already know this from somewhere? If you now think about the legendary immortally great "TERMINATOR" saga then you're maybe not that damn wrong after all. All we get to know is basically that the Cyborgs are promoted as a ''master race of cyborgs'' that used to travel from the future and ''made abductions from Earth's past'' and they made also even the Dinosaures to their compagnons, because ''the dinosaurs were trained as trackers'' and ''the humans were bred as slaves'', maybe on planet earth in a future period, maybe somewhere else, but anyhow, the humans that were bred as slaves still believe in a place called heaven and this for them is our good old planet earth in our more or less present time. Yeahr, I can hear and see it goes ring, ring, ring: "Heaven is a place on earth!" or something like this. ;-) Just guessing...

So then one day there's a runaway slave skilled in MMA and Kick Boxing that makes it to heaven a.k.a. our planet earth in our present time and that is no one else than the already above mentioned Daniel Bernhardt, is running out of the water of the ocean (which one ever) on land, he comes from somewhere to our earth, after we see at the beginning a space ship flying through the space as well as over planet surfaces he maybe jumped from board when the space ship made a tank stop at a gasoline station near by or so, but anyhow, he's soon followed by a grim Cyborg and his blood thirsty Dinosaure that come also out of the ocean and first kill a bum that's sleeping at the beach and then start to follow the escaped slave. What's pretty funny is the fact, that the Cyborg as well as the Dinosaure aren't really able to see anything in a proper way. I mean, in movies like for example "TERMINATOR" or "PREDATOR " it works damn good and is really great and adds a lot to the intense atmosphere of this amazing movies when suddenly you see what's happening through the eyes of the War Machine or the Alien Assassin, it's really more than just great and I am a big fan of this change of perspectives for example in the mentioned movies. But here it is like the Cyborgs with this cheap infrared view and the Dinosaures that sees everything and all in deep and blood red aren't really able to see anything because it basically looks just red in the case of the Dinosaures or it looks like a broken TV screen showing only black and white chaos with some few colors floating randomly over the screen in the case of the Cyborg, so they simply aren't able to see anything somewhere. Good for hunting, I guess... It's totally ridiculous. If you don't have the budget to get such things done in a proper way, then why the fuck do it anyway instead of forget about it and do something else that benefits your movie potentially by far more? Just thinking... And what this movie wants to tell me with the use of this crappy retro Nintendo music I also ask myself heavily... Ah, and btw, if a Dinosaure gets killed he soon after it explodes and nothing remains. Leaving no proofs for the CSI guys or so I would guess... Okay, the Cyborg looks like a big fat pretty gay Biker with bad Corpsepaint and long Cuerly Sue hair and goes, so it seems, in the fight against the MMA skilled runaway slave, on the hunt for him, with no weapons at all, call it self-confident or call it lazy or call it stupid or call it not good programmed or not all too well prepared, anyhow, but who cares,  while the runaway slave comes in black combat wear and with a knife out of the ocean to heaven, call it clever and call it well prepared or something so like this. Hm, what the movie wants me to tell with this? Anyway, it doesn't matter, because pretty soon both, the Cyborg and its Dinosaure, get their ass kicked back to where they come from and where they belong and better should have stayed. But the Dinosaure kills and at least partially eats another bum. Yes, fifteen minutes run through and the first and so far only persons that got killed were two bums. Hm, if there's any message behind it that the movie is trying to bring through to us... solving the problems of social unequalities in current societies via the use of deadly violence, maybe, or what?!?

So, okay, after this first around fifteen minutes the cops, not really clever and pretty much without a clue what to do, get involved in the action with trying to also hunt down the runaway slave because of his somehow involvement of the bum slaying (before they change their views as well), and finally the former prostitute and now nun comes finally also into play with comming and getting in contact with the former slave and together with her buddies she helps him out or so, in any case she surely helps him so far pretty much out and manages that he survives, and vice verca so he does for her and as anyhow possible her friendly buddies. The MMA skilled slave and the once pretty sexual active nun share the role of the lead character of this movie that so with this gets two of this leading characters. And while over and over again more Cyborgs and especially Dinosaures come and hunt and kill and eat they finally decide to gather the crew (a bunch of Street Kids or so now forming a righteous Street Gang or anything so like this) around, get some weapons from dubious probably mexican or otherwise latinamerican weapon dealers, do some practising with the fire weapons, and then solve the problem by their very own after especially the pack of stupid cops is totally not able to do anything against it, to say it that way. And so the hunters become the hunted and the nun does a lot of storytelling like good old Sarah Connor in the old "TERMINATOR" days. I think I really don't have to tell you anything more, you probably know the story and its ongoing already anyhow. And you can also probably imagine how it all finally ends, so I will also spare me any other words to or about it. So, you see, a damn foreseeable plot without any good fresh ideas but instead of this filled with ridiculous nonsense and utter garbage crappy thrash in its purest form.

The acting isn't really that strong, too say it still nice and especially pretty euphemistic, but (also) in no way a total farce like the abysmal acting in the two direct before this one here reviewed movies. But the special effects, or what they dare to call in the case of this one here so, are as abysmal as they only possible could have been done, no matter if in 2009 or 1997. Personally I am a huge fan of apocalyptic Sci-Fi Action movies stuff and so on, and I don't care as much as if it's a "A-Movie", a B-Movie or what else ever and of course honestly I am also a pretty big fan of what others may would call and label thrash movies, but this one here is for sure nothing to make me smile and feel happy that much at the end of the day. A totally foreseeable story with a lot of blank holes and everything but positive "WTF?!?" moments in the plot, actors that lack a lot of acting skills and also lack a lot of necessary charisma (what counts even more for the lead characters of the movie), a big bunch of dialogues of questionable quality, a incredible bad and sheer truly abysmal german synchronisation, cheap play with social and by movie created clichés, sets and outfits that could have been also used easily for a dumb ass fuck Porno Movie, bullshit music from Nintendo sounds to totally crappy and generic 1990's WWF/WWE Heavy Rock guitar riff stuff, totally ridiculous special effects, a bunch of ugly cheap plastic puppies used as oh so terrorizing Killer-Dinosaures, terrible bad camera arrangments, and what the guys that had done this movie do present us here as Cyborgs is just a so incredible ridiculous farce that I don't know what to say about it and so I better stop here and spare me every word more about it here and now. So, you see, not all in all too much positive points in the record books for this one here. What gives this movie some positive points in the end is the pretty big amount of action going on here and some nice done MMA Kick Box Fights, but when the fight in an MMA and Kick Boxing style goes against a T-Rex like freakiy fuckin' Dinosaure and the MMA fighting human wins also this gets just ridiculous and so soon far down the drain and what and where else ever as well, and that the Dinosaures seem to have especially a hunger and taste for bums and big fat black guys is maybe somehow at least questionable or so... ;-) All in all the running time of this very movie here lies around 81 minutes and it got a FSK16 rating here in Germany so that everyone at the age of sixteen or older is allowed to watch it without getting problems, at least if he or she feels the need to do so, and this is all good and fine for this one here at least from my point of view. What's pretty good is the fact, that this movie is by its very own approach a somewhat somehow serious one, but that in the same moment and case just can't be taken anyhow aynway serious. That's nice, even probably nothing planned by the guys who done it back then.

So, after all: No folks, this is pretty much crap, the only reasons to watch it are some well done nice fighting scenes and because partially this very one here will give you a lot of laughing out loud "LOL! LOL! LOL!" moments, even the movie itself and the guys that done it maybe pretty sure weren't after this as a appreciation of their work that they have delivered here to us with this very movie here, the "FUTURE WAR", but or better: and that's all what's the outcome after all. I bought this movie some years ago for something like 2,50 Euro, hm, and thinking about it, it maybe even was back then in 2009, could be possible though. If you see it for a pretty low price like this and if you have a faible for the above described and mentioned genre of movies even when the meant one is a very crappy thrashy one, and if you then also like movies that want to be taken serious but are in fact nothing like a ridiculous farce that will make you shake your head and start to laugh out loud heavily in not only one or two moments, or if you like to feel bad and feel somehow even physiacl pain, if this all is the case, then go and get it and give it a good round, but in any other case better stay away from this bullshit. And, to say it precise and direct, one of the most worst "TERMINATOR" ripp offs ever, period. In no way to recommend, point and fact. In no fucking way!!! Totally utter garbage crap, forget about it, period. (1 of 10 points)

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaymqTpHr6g)

"100 MILLION B.C." ("THE ASYLUM" brings us the story of a special forces unite that goes back in time to rescue a bunch of scientists and ends up with bringing some Dinosaurus-Terror back with them to our time...)

"100 MILLION BC"
("The Asylum"; 2008; DVD):

First comes first: My internet or maybe better my internet access was fucked up over the last week or something like this so that's the reason why again for a pretty long while nothing came up here. Okay, that's it for now, so here it goes on again, yes, and after this very month used to start with a new movie review posting finally again we will continue with another one of the movie reviews section kind, before again record reviews and other stuff will come up again as well. And I will continue with this one here, a review on "THE ASYLUM" movie "100 MILLION BC" from primarly 2008... and yes, just by reading the title you may already got it that this is a damn fucking try to rip off "10.000 BC" and cash some money in on it. Keeping in mind that this very one here is from 2008, gets the ''rip off cash in'' conclusion more clear for you? So, okay, beside this pretty equal sounding and so seeming names of the two different movies, "100 MILLION BC" on the one side and "10.000 BC" on the other side, this one here is pretty much some sort of a rip off of "JURASSIC PARK II: THE LOST WORLD" enriched with a time machine travel scenery to it all. Ah, and btw you may also know by a look at the name of "THE ASYLUM" what you have to expect. I didn't know it before, but I know about it now, so you better be warned. So, okay, the story of this one here is now coming in and through the mist for you all, but maybe don't expect too much coming out there, I mean out of the mentioned mist, so, yehp, yehp, here we go: In the 1940's a U.S. Military sponsored and started science projection succeeded in sending a group of scientists through time right back into the times when Dinosaures walked the earth... and ruled it. Unfortunately for the poor bastards that travelled back in time the project failed in getting them back home. But thank the mighty gods above the leading scientists back in our present time was the brother of the leader of the bunch of time travelling scientists and after they seemed to be good brothers he wanted to get his brother if anyhow possible back, and this by best alive, back from the mean hungry Dinosaures, and so he kept on working focussed on the project over a period of more than six decades or so and finally he succeeded in doing so and his command was to get them finally back home, if you want so, and so he commanded and joined a team of Special Forces elite soldiers to go with them back through time to visit some damn Dinosaures and get his brother and the other scientists finally back home with them in our present time. And there they go... and what incredible awesome special effects carry them on their way... it really motivates to hang in there with watching the movie... I mean, a brilliant creative story and almighty special effects matter a lot... especially if you combine it with brilliant actors and also a phenomenal synchronisation... just watch this movie and you will understand this writing. (And I know that this is a B-Movie if not even a Z-Movie but it's still from 2008 so there are no excuses or any reasons why the special effects are on the same ''high'' level of quality like the ''Ninjy Mystic'' special effects of "AMERICAN FIGHTER II" respectively "AMERICAN NINJA II", so you see, I'm not unfair to the movie and its creators.) So okay, they jump through the time portal or time gate straight and direct back to the time of the walking and ruling Dinosaures and the missed in action scientists, and what happens next? Come on you've got three tries free, do your best! Three tries? Free? Okay, here's the call for all three, one after another, up and away we go:
(01.) The most of the Special Forces Soldiers get killed by a bunch of Dinosaures that are meant to be evil smart Raptors (that also demonstarte some ''fascinating'' special abilities) and monstrous meat eating flowers and other deadly stuff and beings, and so also the soldier team leader, one of the few characters that speaks more than only a few words and that owns some sort of charisma and so is one of the few characters with the potential to identify with, but very soon he gets killed by the hungry Dinosaures. Before the whole rescue troop gets killed and eaten up by the Raptors the so far survived members of the group of scientists that travelled in the 1940's to the Dinosaures help them and rescue them. And, suprise, suprise, in contrast to the pretty old grown leading scientist of the time travel project his brother and the rest of the survivors are still in their glorious heydays, the women are still hot like hell (or so) and the men still tough as nails (or so), and are clothed like cavemen or something like this. Anyhow, so they start to get away out of the territory of the Raptors, trying to stay alive and also trying to save their deadly wounded comrade from the death, for sure after the joy was big that they finally met (again).
(02.) On their way out of the Raptors territory back to the time portal they meet a Dinosaure biggie, probably meant to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex or in short a: T-Rex, that eats up their anyhow meant to die injured comrade and then manages to go back through time, the crew that desperately wants to travel back in our present time succeeds. But guess what, righty right, the T-Rex follows them. Whoaaa, suprise, who would have thought that, so, okay.
(03.) And then they manage to make it back through the time protal into our present time, like already mentioned, and, yes, right, the T-Rex manages it as well, like also already managed, and starts to run amok and spread chaos and disorder and violence and carnage in the streets of the city known as L.A. while ''they'' try desperately everything to finally stop the Dinosaure. That's the story and how it goes you can easily figure out for yourself just by thinking about it for a short, short while.
So, if this had been your three tries, this or something close to this three ones, you had been right and already knowing the deal behind it all. So, okay, the story is foreseeable deep down to its core. And far more worse than this it's also even not making really that much sense after all. (No, not that whole time travel and meet the Dinosaures stuff, I mean, come on, it's fiction, so that's all good and fine, nah, I mean that the whole plot in itself isn't making that much sense after all.) The Dinosaures totally look like shit and are pure utter garbage done by totally IT nutjobs and look even more terrible in the way they are done in general and even far more laughable and ridiculous like the Dinosaures Figures that had been uses through out the for example movies of the 1970's or so. (And back then it couldn't had been done better, but today there are no excuses left.) And the whole special effects are just shit as well. The world in the time of the Dinosaures looks like nothing anyhow linked to what we know today about the environment of the prehistoric times but instead of this it all looks in fact like the old 1980's sets of the legendary "A-TEAM" when the crew travelled to Venezuela or so, minus the crappy Dinosaures. So, you see, don't expect any sort of atmosphere at all. The actors mostly totally lack talent and characters to identify with aren't really to be found, and about the abysmal german synchronisation I won't loose a word. And all in all this movie is so incredible crappy and bad that it's also even not at least not a single little bit sympathic or at last something like this. It's just a incredible waste of ressources and time. So after all I have to admit that it really should have been warning enough for me that this movie runs over and over again and again on the german thrash television channel of the name of "TELE-5". And I also know by now that you also can waste also 2,50 Euros on a movie DVD disc. Won't believe me? Try this one here. Then you will believe me. And I also ask myself for what reasons ever this movie got a FSK-18 rating (so that he's only ''free'' for eighteen years old grown up young adults here in Germany), because anyhow something gory or what the hell else ever you simply just can't find here. And I also ask myself, why ever this movie saw since his first release in 2008 so many re-releases. Anyway, after all, this movie is nothing but unbeatable bullshit and not even for total Dinosaures nerds anyhow interesting or somehow satisfying. It runs around eighty minutes and believe me, after watching it you know that this eighty minutes no one ever will give you back. The DVD also contains some Bonus Material, but I preferred to take it out of the DVD player instead of suffering also through this crap. The real life names of the lead actors are Michael Gross, Christopher Atkins and Greg Evigan, and this poor bastards must have been incredible desperate or made high against their will to act their part in this farce of a movie. Utter garbage, nothing else. (0 of 10 points)
Here you can find and see the extended official trailer for "100 MILLION BC", then you will know already more:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcc2hzHdL7o

"ALIEN VS. ZOMBIES - THE DARK LURKING: IT WILL COME FOR YOU" (Uncut Version; "8-FIlms" DVD; originally from 2010)

"ALIEN VS. ZOMBIES - THE DARK LURKING"
("IT WILL COME FOR YOU!")
("8-Films"; DVD):

This is the first November 2012 posting, the first and so with this new movie review posting since some months again and so finally we do go on here ahead agin. I don't know, but at least I've planned that this month some more stuff will be coming up here finally again, not at least because I am quite a bit more motivated than over the last one to two months. But we will see what happens. And after my passion for watching movies is back again (I mean, the weather is getting more and more cold outside, so it's time to put some frosty Black Metal in the stereo and watch some good and some maybe also not so good movies) and it's also once more really about time doing one of the movie reviews I thought that it would be a good move to start it all off again with a new movie review up here. But okay, maybe I could just have chosen another movie, haha, but we will see and don't tell anything to early or so, so read on and here it goes ;-) ... So, okay, "ALIEN VS. ZOMBIES - THE DARK LURKING" or maybe better ALIEN VS. ZOMBIES" and "THE DARK LURKING" or something like this, because "THE DARK LURKING" fits more or less perfect as a title for this movie, while "ALIEN VS. ZOMBIES" is utter garbage as well as the picture of the Alien like creature at the frontcover of this DVD. Because, honestly, such a creature that's drastically ripped off by the well-known prominent legendary Alien creation isn't to be seen in this very movie (and also no other anyhow alien lifeforms from outta space), so I guess it's just a try to cash in on the whole "ALIEN(S) VS. PREDATOR" (and also in general the "ALIEN") hype. (And maybe now also because of the "PROMETHEUS" movie, after this very movie here already came out 2010 and is in 2012 back again in the shops.) But okay, who could blame them for this. This movie is, so I guess, a direct to DVD production and I know no one of the actors from other movies before, at least not that I know by now. So, okay, after this movie offers no Aliens after all, what about the second part, what about the damn bloody Zombies? Zombies you will find in masses here, as well as some sort of a Super Ultra Über Zombie that gets a impressive violent and short appareance just to get his ass kicked to fade away into oblivion quickly. The Zombies here are sort of degenerated Mutants, the unwanted blood thirtsy outcome of scientifical medical experiments of megalomaniac scientists in a down the drain going station based in the underground of a then lost world up in space. So, we have: Aliens = none; Zombies = checked, more than enough. What do we have else and what's going on in general?!? Here we go, read on: The movie starts with a space ship and so with this in space, in the orbit of a let us call it dying planet and a call from help from the mostly underground build outpost on the planet. Then we are hammered down right into the outpost station in one of its deepest lowest levels and we see how a woman that will turn out to be the main character steps into a shower, totally desoriented, and gets nearly shot by a two men cleaning team, before the guys gets eaten up by a hungry Zombie. And already here we can easily see how ugly and disgusting this breed of Zombies here is. From then on we see how she escapes and finally joins a group of soldiers or mercenarys and some survivors of the working personal, mostly medics and scientists, that try to make their way out there somehow alive. While more and more of the little group of survivors are killed during their desperate escape through thirteen levels up to the surface of the planet they finally come to a high security laboratory where they meet one of the leading scientists of the outpost and there they decide to make their camp and regroup before they try to make their way up higher again. Also there they decide or better there they are forced to heal some otherwise deadly wounds, and so one of the so far survived scientists reanimates the main character, yes, the woman that took a shower at the beginning of the movie. There also the whole story is revealed to the viewer, and hey man, what did ya expect, no one else than the Nazis somewhere between 1933 and 1945 kicked it all off, because they used to find no one else than Lucifer himself on their war campaign in Africa. Any questions? No, should be all clear. I mean who and what else. Nazis, Lucifer a.k.a. Satan a.k.a. the Devil himself. And, yes, again, Nazis; who else... Should one day a prequel will be coming it could be named "WHERE NAZIS AND LUCIFER MEET" or so. Any questions should be answered, this is utter garbage storytelling and all. But after this is nothing than a Zombie Slasher movie and like I've already said in no way a anyhow Alien movie and not to talk about a somehow to "ALIEN" related movie we all should know latest by now that no one of us should be watching this very movie here because of a great story or something like this. So okay, Lucifer is these days bred in the body and mind of the main character, yes, again, our shower girl from the very beginning of this movie. And while the nice scientist woman reanimates her also a spawn of Lucifer slips into her... Okay, after this whole dingel dangel finally a rescue team is coming down to the planet right from the spaceship of the very beginning of this movie. But wait: A rescue team? Nah, a cleaner team that only shall take care of that the leading scientist and the main character, who's always named the only succesful experiment while the whole Zombie horde is just a bunch of un-succesful experiments, but we all get no answer to the question what this experiments really are respectively were, ah, we just get to know that evil forbidden rituals and some sort of Necronomicon like book play a important role, so maybe where science and magic meet or so, anyhow. Okay, in short the rest is told fast and quick: Everyone dies, the leading scientist is killed by the by Lucifer possessed formely nice scientist woman while this Lucifer possessed woman gets shot as well and this by one of the last remaining soldiers or maybe better mercenaries, and then in a wild blood dripping mixture everyone gets killed respectively they kill each other all over and over again, the few remaining survivors kill the Zombies and the cleaner team, the Zombies hack and slay through the few survivors and bite their way through the cleaner team, the cleaner team shoots the Zombies and kills the survivors, so after all only the shower girl from the start remains and after she steps into the lift to the surface in the elevator tunnel to the rescue ship she gets shot by a remaining member of the cleaner team... and then Lucifer awakes in her and she kills the soldier and the scientists and the medics who are then with her in the elevator or maybe better rescue tunnel and then she steps into the rescue ship and onward in space to the spaceship or where the hell else ever she goes, while the outpost and with it all the masses of the remaining Zombies inside is bombed away. Maybe the sequel to this movie, if it comes one day, will be named "LUCIFER IN SPACE" or something like this. Okay, any questions about the quality of the story should be answered already by now, and also the acting of the actors gives this movie not really any positive points, and the german synchronisation is plain and simple terrible. What gives the movie really some strong and good positive points is the tight and intense ''gory'' and desperate atmosphere and the ''schizophrenic'' rusty and ''claustrophobic'' scenery in which the whole plot takes place. It really gives this movie a dark and sinister, apocalyptic and rotten, a totally sick feeling, and that's not only needed for a movie like this but also really cool. That the whole movie works in large parts like a 3D Ego Shooter PC Game and consists in large parts out of nothing than countless bullets flying in and ripping through as well countless Zombies is everything but creative but for a movie like this, just a hack and slay slasher zombie movie all good and fine, because anyone who wants and expects more is here in the wrong place. You can compare it pretty much in some large parts to "DOOM", but by very far more the movie than the games, but without being so good... and if you know "DOOM" the movie you also know that this movie is also not really a good movie anyhow, but at least it makes a lot of fun to watch and somehow knows how to grab you and it also holds Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in store as well and that's always good. But okay, even this kept in mind, which means what you can and have to expect from your ordinary hacking and slaying Zombie movie, isn't making a good movie out of this one, but some nicely stupid blasting slasher action with a sick and sinister atmosphere that can give you some joyful shortwhile, as far as you are a fan of hack and slay slasher zombie movies. All fans of this genre may check it out, but anyway don't expect too much, but I think you could enjoy this quite a bit. Test it out. The movie runs for around 96 minutes and I would bet that the ''Monster F/X Team that is responsible for the F/X of movies like ''TROJA'', ''GHOST RIDER'' and ''MATRIX REVOLUTIONS'' and other blockbuster movies" isn't too proud that they are also at least partially responsible for this very one here... Ah, like the cover tells this here is the ''uncut version'' of this movie but it's still free at the age of sixteen, at least over here in Germany. But, honestly, sometimes and partially often I thought "WTF?!?" because maybe a free at the age of 18 years would be far more deserved. So you see, it's surely a very bloody movie anyway. And don't ask me about differences to the ''cutted version'', because this one I don't know. Okay, no story, no mentionable acting, no characters to identify with but non stop killing shooting hacking and slaying slashing mutilating Zombie bloodshed like in 3d Ego Shooter PC game. If this makes you smile and gives you good feelings when you only think of it than check "ALIEN VS. ZOMBIES - THE DARK LURKING" out. Everyone else should maybe better stay away from this one here. (4 of 10 points)
Here's a goody, at least for fans of the above described genre of movies, because if the link works like it should then you can watch the complete movie right here respectively there:
http://www.myvideo.de/watch/8452225/The_Dark_Lurking_Alien_vs_Zombies

"THE RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER - HOOLIGAN, BOUNCER, GANGSTER, LEGEND"

"FOOTSOLDIER - HOOLIGAN, GANGSTER, LEGENDE"
- "THE RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER - HOOLIGAN, BOUNCER, GANGSTER, LEGEND - A TRUE STORY"
("Elite Film AG"; DVD /2DVD):

Okay, alreay released (at least here in Germoney and this on DVD) back then in 2008 (but otherwise I think even already in 2007) I was back then incredible curious about this one for a lot of many reasons and I bought it pretty recently back in the days and this even as the limited (?) version with a second ''The Extras'' Bonus DVD and I wanted finally to do a review of it already some time around 2010 (when I started this blog and when I decided to do reviews of movies up here as well as all the other stuff I do and that you can find up here) but latest in 2011 (like it seemed to turned out to be) but then 2011 fucking happened and so it's just now and today coming up and also the first movie review up here for a year or so. In the meantime a big bunch of more or less new movies piled up here waiting to be reviewed and so more is in the pipeline to come in the future. Anyhow, back from the music of the future to the topic of today, the review of "FOOTSOLDIER" or "THE RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER", one hell of an awesome and a surely almighty movie and one of my personal all-time favorite movies ever, period. Okay, even I think that most of you out there today maybe already know all about this movie I'm trying to keep it more or less at least a little bit short this time, but like you all may already get this does have nothing to do with my personal opinion about this movie and how great I think it is, just that you know it.
This movie is the filmed life time story of Carlton Leach, and it's a very unsparing and honest, drastically narration of his life story from the 1970's to the 1990's and the infamous ''Essex murders'', and this movie tells the lifestory in or of this period. From the mid of the 1970's on Carlton Leach and his mates of the legendary "ICF" (the "INTER CITY FIRM"), a well-known and feared and respected Hooligan firm of "West Ham United", are ruling the Hooligan and Football Thug scenery in the UK. Due to his violent activity he is soon making his way up high through the ranks of the firm and becomes very well known and high reputated due to this. The imagery and the plot and its displaying are damn realistic, ultra violent and fucking bloody but also without creating martyrs or so (in contrast to other famous Hooligan movies of the last decade) just showing what's the score and this scenes also show how nearly psychopatic it all became back then what should also cause Carlton Leach to quit with Hooliganism. Also this part shows what negative effects this lifestyle used to hav on the private life of Carlton Leah back then. Already while still being a Hooligan he started to work as a bouncer to make some money out of his business: Violence!!!
After this he became big in the business of being a Bouncer, not fucking around with anyone and kicking every scumbag who's out to cause what kind of trouble heavy into the ass and stomp this scum deep down into the ground. Due to his reliability he made himself a name very quick and while during this phase now finally his first marriage went down the drain he started pumping iron and built himself a new crew or firm of guys out of his gym or respectively as well as out of his former Hooligan firm and started to make some good rounds of money out of it all. He and his crew were also recruited for special offers like cashing in money, punishing thiefs and doing the event security. When doing the event security at the first Rave parties at the end of the 1980's he got in contact with the then famous designer drugs of that secenery and while gotten married for the second time he also jumped into the businnes of dealing drugs. Violence was business and crime a way of life, you might can say. Also in this time he became best friends with Tony Tucker who gets him in contact with steroid and harder drugs as well as helping him to organize his crew and business to work far more efficient and effective. It all works out pretty good, beside some private trouble, until some of his crew started working on their own bill for and with the turkish mafia and smuggling and dealing with heroin. Abig deal fails and a lot heroin of the turks got stolen and then things went black... culminating in the torture of the mentioned guys and the suicide of his best friends. Tony Tucker then saves Carlton Leach from going out on revenge on the turks and to swallow down his hate and anger and pain.
After this the focus las more and more on Tony Tucker and the then from prison returned Pat Tate, and while it seems like Carlton Leach is cutting slowly his criminal business involvement down Tucker and Pate becoming the leaders of the crew and the business affairs and some of the biggest drug dealers and criminal thugs and murderers of their time, as well as by theirselves heavy drug addicts. They more and more totally loose ground and Carlton more and more doubts what they are doing and this is also the reason why he refuses to join their ranks in what should have become their biggest deal and resulted in the brutal murder of Tucker and Tate. After this Carlton quits with the world of the organized crime and this is when this movie ends.
This is a short description of the plot andthe protagonists of this movie, the pictures and the filming are great and create a intense atmosphere, and this movie is a drastic and damn honest piece of cinema. and it's incredible intense and brutal, coming also through and through with great music, great acting and dialogues. Anyhow, even I think this review somehow truly is too short I don't know what I should write more, just you get it, and if you ask me, this is one of the very, very best movies ever made. Awesome!!! Cheers & Oi!
(10 of 10 points --- maybe Ishould rate it even better with 10+ of 10 points or so)
(Somehow Blogger refuses to carry out my command to upload a video snippet of this very movie here, we will see if thi maybe changes again and then I will also upload it later, sorry for now.)

Bruce Campbell versus Guan Di... Hm, and maybe also Bruce Campbell versus Bruce Campbell...

"MY NAME IS BRUCE"
("Capelight Pictures"; DVD):

Since some-time around November 2010 things had been pretty slowed down here on this very blog for reasons that I described you all before in one of the (from now on viewed-back) latest 'General Informations' postings here on this very blog and so also a lot of categories'n'stuff just came off short like for example also the 'Movie Reviews', so it's really about time that things are about to be heated up again anyway, and that's what I'm about to do for you right now and finally the next entry of the category of the 'Movie Reviews' is here and now coming for ya all. And it's one that I wanted to do now already for some months. So, yeahr, here we go...

As the next one here you'll now get my review of the BRUCE CAMPBELL movie "MY NAME IS BRUCE". (It's from 2006, but for what I know it was released in Germany as a DVD first back then in 2009.) Per Accident I got aware of this movie and finally bought it, pretty excited. The legendary and almighty BRUCE CAMPBELL is playing no one else than himself (more or less, haha;-)... at least I do hope so, haha;-)...) in a movie that should showcase a plot that sounded truly nothing but great. And you know what, since I first watched this whole "EVIL DEAD" and "ARMY OF DARKNESS" stuff back then (thanks to my uncle, haha;-)...) I'm really a big, big fan of the one and only and truly nothing but almighty BRUCE CAMPBELL (by the way BRUCE CAMPBELL was also the matter why I started watching the current T.V. Series of the name of "BURN NOTICE" and I became a huge fan of this series and I can't wait for that the first "BURN NOTICE" movie will finally be done and out, with BRUCE CAMPBELL as the protagonist, just that you know about it) and so this one here was a 'duty-to-buy-movie' for me. What it worth it?!? Well, let me tell ya...
It was worth every single 'duty'-feeling and 'buy'-move to get it!!!
And now more about it, and prepare yourself for one hell of a great story...
It all starts in a little shithole of town or village named GOLD LUCK, a little town somewhere in the U.S.A. that have had his fair shot of glory and on richness in the now for a while already gone past due to some enlarged mining activities and the bustling working-mentality of a little (or once not so little at all) 'colony' planted and populated by 'a bunch' of Chinese immigrants. And like we all do know these Chinese immigrants had been busy like ants in their colony and worked hard and harder and even more harder in the mining business and so they wangled GOLD LUCK quite a piece of success, ah, and like we all have already expected they all used to eat only and nothing else but tofu. (Damn it, I love this brilliant play with your usual clichès and stereotypics, it's fantastic, just great!!!) But bad luck and disaster hit GOLD LUCK and the busy mining Chinese immigrants... and pretty soon the once very well crowded and hard working and wealth generating, ablooming 'colony' of the mentioned Chinese immigrants was empty and bleak and dismal, expect one solely lonely survivor that was left, and the halycon days of GOLD LUCK had been nothing else but history pretty soon and pretty quick. That's what all the guys in GOLD LUCK does know, even Jeff and his friend that drive at the beginning of the movie to the local Chinese graveyard to go and fuck (or at least to try it anyway) with some local High School (?) Gothic bitches. By the way, Jeff is pretty soon revealed to us as an incredible big BRUCE CAMPBELL fan, and as one hell of a damn fucking nerd with no real life, haha;-), just that you know it. But what in GOLD LUCK nobody knew was that beside the also solely tofu eating Chinese descendent there remained GUAN DI, a evil warrior ghost from China that was something like the patron saint of tofu as well as the Chinese immigrants (seems that the good GUAN DI haven't done the best job so far when it comes to the Chinese immigrants... or maybe he just didn't care about it respectively them at all, this old dirty bastard, haha;-)...), and Jeff his friend and the girls awaken GUAN DI while they were busy with defiling the graveyard. Okay, after GUAN DI was out of his bed he started to hack and slay his way through GOLD LUCK and its indwellers, like every evil undead ghost uses to do it anyway like we all should know by watching movies and T.V. (and movies and the T.V. never lie to us, like we all also should know;-)...), yes, and then it all starts really and chaos and razzle-dazzles are bound to occur, trust me. Jeff decides to recruit no one else than BRUCE CAMPBELL himself to help him and all the unlucky GOLD LUCKers in the battle against the terrorspreading blood thirsty evil GUAN DI. (Because who if not BRUCE CAMPBELL knows how to deal with evil ghosts and evil undeads in the right way?!?) But if BRUCE CAMPBELL would be in the right mood to deal with one of his most 'nerdy' fans?!? And does BRUCE CAMPBELL got the time for this anyway?!?
Questions, questions, questions...
Answers, answers, answers...
During the GUAN DI tragedy hit GOLDLUCK by the balls BRUCE CAMPBELL is doing his work in film and act "CAVE ALIEN II", one of his next milestones. And latest at this point the movie here becomes nothing but incredible great!!! There aren't many actors out there that are doing, playing, acting such a fantastic and ironic and humorous parody of themselves and their work (respectively that part of their work they are still linked to the most) like mighty BRUCE CAMPBELL is doing it here!!! No matter if he plays the constantly drunken and constantly heavy drinking asshole of an 'Splatter-Movie-Star' that annoys everyone in his environment, that drinks the pee of 'his waterboy' who is totally annoyed by its 'Stars' behavior and pees into his drink-bottle, that is divorced from his wife that he is still stalking at night totally drunken with phone calls and nasty maledictions, that got taken for a ride again and again by his agent that is also fucking his former wife now, and that is so totally down that he's also drinking his Whiskey and Beer out of the food bowl of his dog and got a cheap whore that got only for a very few weeks now lust hole instead of a dick as a birthday present by his agent, and so on and on, it's just incredible and truly great and fantastic. Much respect for BRUCE CAMPBELL for 'playing himself' this way here, and what's even more great is the fact that you can really see how he's enjoying it. Again, it's just really that damn great and also again much, much respect for it!!!
Okay, Jeff finally needs to kidnap BRUCE CAMPBELL to take him with him in the trunk of his junk car, and arriving in GOLD LUCK after some obnoxious insulting of the GOLD LUCKers by BRUCE CAMPBELL the 'Star' (and 'Hero', all in one person) starts to think that it's all just a great game, the 'real' birthday gift of his agent and something like new movie beside "CAVE ALIEN II" and so he agrees on fighting (and defeating) GUAN DI. And from now on it gets even greater, chaos and jokes and incredible funny situations in the play between BRUCE CAMPBELL who thinks it's all nothing but a game, a joke, a movie and acts like a dumb, big, spoiled child, and the GOLD LUCKers who somtimes or often (if not all the time) can only hardly deal with the weird affectations of the 'Star' and their 'Hero', and then the hunt of and fight against GUAN DI finally starts... just to end pretty soon in a bloody and hilarious fiasco. BRUCE CAMPBELL is revealed as a drunken coward, countless GOLD LUCKers are slayed down by GUAN DI (as well as the in panic escaping BRUCE CAMPHELL himself, haha;-)...) an the outcome of this battle is that Jeff's throwing his BRUCE CAMPBELL sanctuaries in his garbage can, calls BRUCE CAMPBELL (who skedaddled back to his home, what's a camper, and on his escape he beats kids and steals cars;-)...) to tell him that now he is taking business into his own hands and then he starts his hunt on GUAN DI. And then the 'Star' and even the 'Hero' in BRUCE CAMPBELL finally awakes and he's making his way (with above mentioned whore) back to GOLD LUCK to rescue Jeff and help him in his final fight against GUAN DI.
And how it all turns out you really have to watch by yourself, point and fact, and it's just great!!!
Ah, by the way, the 'total end' or the 'final finale' of this movie is a damn funny and weird thing, trust me, just watch it, you just have to, it's really awesome stuff, haha;-)...
What's also great at "MY NAME IS BRUCE" is the great humour and how all the characters are worked out, very precise and with a big love when it comes to the details and to the play with your common clichès (just take for example the weapon-loving gay redneck couple that's living in GOLD LUCK), and also how this whole movie and all the actors are taking themselves so great 'non-serious', and also how some actors do play damn funny 'double-roles' in the movie (like, for example, the agent of BRUCE CAMPBELL), and not to forget the great music. So, hell yeahr, this is the complete package that you really just have to watch and love, it's a brilliant piece and a great movie of one of a kind (that's not to be watched that often), nothing less but maybe even more!!!
That all the acting is just great work I don't have to tell ya, it should be clear, and also the pictures and the whole 'moved-pictures-movie-stuff' is just done perfectly, and also the german dubbing rocks (the original english one rules anyhow) and there are also some extra bonus things on this DVD disc. So, okay, I think I've said it all now, yes, except: You need to have this one, it won't get better than this one here!!! Holy shit!!! (10 of 10 points)
Now you get the official trailer of "MY NAME IS BRUCE" (and it should also be the english one... or at least I really do hope so, haha;-)...), so just enjoy it and then go and buy the DVD and watch the complete movie and just have fun and a good time!!! Cheers!!!

"MY NAME IS BRUCE"

(Official Trailer)

British Skinheads in the era of Maggie Thatcher

"THIS IS ENGLAND"
("Ascot Elite Home Entertainment"; DVD):

This movie is from 2006 and was released over here in Germany in 2007, for what I know (from the backcover of the DVD hull). This movie deals with Skinheads and the plot takes place around the time of the Falkland War and really expresses a depressive and violent mood of social stress and internal brokenness under the brutal and cold and strong right wing regime of Maggie Thatcher and her government, neoconservative and neoliberal, xenophobic and nationalistic. The protagonist is the totally not-cool outsider or misfit Shaun, a twelve years old boy who lost his father in the mentioned Falkland War where he died the death of a soldier. Very soon he meets a gang of Skinheads and Skingirls that uses to embrace him and quick he also becomes a Skinhead. At first party and fun really are the cornerstones of the life in the gang, beside music and style and attitude, but after a old friend of the guys in the group uses to return from prison, totally filled with racism and nationalism and hate propaganda of the National Front, things start to turn out complicated, violent and simply bad. The group starts to split, and while the one half despises the ideas of the returned old friend, the other half starts to pilgrim to meetings of the National Front, goes out to do some Pakibashing, and other bullshit like this. The conflict really starts to heat up more and more and it all is spiced with broken hearts and hurt emotions, and so it all turns out really, really bad when the movie reaches it's bloody climax and then the movie ends with a very melancholic final chord. Okay, if you take the plot, the story, the dramaturgy it all is nothing that special at all, okay, and why the hell nearly every movie that deals with Skinheads is about White Power NS subhuman faggot scum is something that really refuses to be understood by me anylonger. Bullshit!!! As if every movie about Turks is about drug dealers or suicide bombers, if ya understood what I mean, so go and fuck you and fuck your stupid and brainwashed as well as brainwashing clichès too!!! What's really good at this movie are the displayed Skinheads and Skingirls, and especially the criticism of the social and psychological circumstances of society under the regime of a hard if not brutal right wing ideology and government like the era of Maggie Thatcher used to be one. So, after all it's an okay movie, beside the fucked up german dubbing, but not more. Solid and good stuff, maybe you give it a try if ya still haven't seen it yet. Cheers & Oi! (7 of 10 points)
Ah, and finally (after this post here is already up for a pretty long while now) here you now get the official trailer of "THIS IS ENGLAND" (also all in all in the english language you all should expect and know about... more or less), so just get yourself some impressions and enjoy it and then decide for yourself if ya need to watch this movie here or not anyway anyhow.

"THIS IS ENGLAND"

(Official Trailer)

INSIDE A SKINHEAD... THE BELIEVER - Believing... seeking... that was his way out...

"INSIDE A SKINHEAD"
(- "THE BELIEVER")
("Capelight Pictures"; DVD):

Okay, now a new 'Movie Review(s)' is coming for your information. It's about one of my personal favorite movies ever, even it's still a pretty new one (of 2009). But, first of all, I think I said it already but anyhow I'll now say it again: As if all the terrible 'alternative' german titles of all the movies from, for example, the States wouldn't be worse enough, but why the fuck movies with english original titles do get in Germany not only this terrible german titles to be promoted over here but now-a-days more and more 'alternative' and so damn wrong and totally not to the movie plot fitting english titles especially for the german movie market? I won't really understand it anyhow, how-ever, but it really sucks!!! And this one here is a pretty good example for this: The original title, in english, "THE BELIEVER" fits perfectly to the plot, but the 'alternative' title for the german market, also in english, "INSIDE A SKINHEAD" is just pure bullshit!!! And if you now get the impression you would get a 'typical' Skinhead movie (what-ever this may be...) here, an impression you can easily get by the 'alternative'english title for the german market, then you're totally wrong, to point this out very clearly!!! Of course, the protagonist and his comrades wear somehow the more or less clichè WP/NS Skinhead respectively Bonehead look: Army pants, Boots up to their asses, Swastika and/or White Power shirts, army jackets, SS Buttons, etc. pp., but first is this not making them Skinheads, and second that's not making this one here to a Skinhead movie. Why? I'll tell it to ya, so now more direct to the movie and its plot.
The protagonist is the young jewsih man Danny Balint who's living in New York City and working in the 'building business'. He's a jew, but he hates to be a jew, not at least because of the weakness the jews displayed- in his perception- during World War II and the Schoah or Holocaust. That's displayed by the movie as one of the main founding principles of something you might can call as a 'general jewish identity' or something like this, at least in the mind of the protagonist Danny. Okay, ahead we go: He displays the above described 'Skinhead' look and wearing full of pride his Swastika shirt and SS buttons, even in the house of his family where he owns in the cellar a room full of dumb bells, old books, Nazi devotionals, and records with classical music. Classical music? Yes, no Skinhead music or White Power Rock (like you might expect first) is to be heard in this movie, and that should tell ya the story if ya serching for just a Skinhead movie. The movie pretty much starts with showing Danny how he beats down and kicks out a young and slim jewish guy who's easily to be recognized as a pupil of a 'how-ever' religious jewish school. And the main motif of the movie, the anger and disgust of Danny about his own heritage and creed because of being a just a 'weak' jew, you easily get when Danny desperatly screams at his outknocked victim: "Defend yourself! Just defend yourself!" Pretty impressive, this display of self-mutilation forced upon another unknown victim who's of the 'wrong' but same believe and identity like the perpetrator. And yes, a believer, that's what Danny always stayed. A very intelligent and smart young man, never get away from his identity and believe, no matter how hard and what ever he tried!!! He was a pupil at a jewish religious school when he was a young boy, a critical and non-dogmatic thinking kid that carried his heart on his tongue in his mouth, speaking it all out loud, very much to the dislike of his teacher and his classmates. You can maybe describe him as an "enlighted school boy" (by the meaning of enlightment). He was a believer, but also a seeker, seeking his own way to god and questioning all the traditional dogmas, especially this whole sacrifice for and to god and sacrificing everything and yourself to serve him or any higher religious power at all, and that was too much. Because of his sheer jackass teacher he totally went away from his own also religious founded identity, and he came to think that this 'serve to your own death' mentality, this weakness was the main force of the jewish believe and identity, in his personal perception. And because of this personal perception and his attitude he won out of it he really was searching after something different, that's without any kinds of self-doubts and that displays power and force, and so he became a Neo-Nazi, hiding his primarly jewish identity. And there's also much more to it, like his ill and because of that weak father and a lot of different stuff more. You really have to discover it all by yourself. You need to!!!
He's the intellectual leader of an NYC Bonehead gang, violent, aggressive and angry and pissed off at anyone and using the Skinhead look (or what they think is that specific Skinhead look anyhow...) as a cheap excuse for their more or less poor existences and being totally filled with NS and WP and 14/88 ideology crap. Coming in contact with a conspirative neo-fascistic and Neo-Nazi group of self proclaimed intellectuals Danny impressed them pretty quick with his fanatic racism and anti-semitism, but he was contacted by a reporter of a newspaper who came somehow behind his mask and discovered his secret of being a jew. Then a very intersting scene follows, where Danny describes his beliefs and you'll get aware of it that he really done his homework and had read all the fascist classics and all the 'big' Nazis and their works. Showcasing his view on society and politics, and he says that he's not anti-Israel or anti-Zinosim 'cause Israel is to him a Zionist State which means that it's lost his old weak jewish identity but won his new strong zionistic identity, but that he hates the jews. That's all played damn good and it's written sheer fantastic. As the reporter confronts him with his own jewsih identity Danny is losing focus and menacing the reporter to kill him when he reveals it to the public. He gets involved into this conspirative group (from now on just the group), even his views on race are to some leading members too radical and too outspoken anyhow he really climbs the 'hierarchy-ladder' very quick, and from then on it all starts really: Beside a weird and sick love affair to and with a girl of a high position in the group and that's also fucking with The head of the group, Danny gets involved into a conspirative terroristic circle, beating an 'old' Neo-Nazi roughneck to the death to proof himself as a man with weigth into this circle, and then you see it all: Guys that are pretty much to name as gays, being attracted by building bombs, playing strategy games that display the world after a victory of the Nazis in World War II, having nothing in mind with girls and women- or just having any contacts with them- but with hanging around with other 'tough men', psychpaths, and just pure jackass bullys. It all becomes more and more heated up and while Danny is planning with some other guys a 'bomb-impact' to proof his believe in Nationalsocialism he suddenly feels his jewish identity awakening as he and the other members of the Neo-Nazi terrorist school camp demolish and plunder a synagog. Facing this dumb and brute vandalism and 'thoughtlessness', he starts to find somehow a way back to his jewish identity. He's taking some holy writings and clothings with him and secretly he starts praying and his believe is coming more and more back to live again. But that won't stop him from going with psychopath no. # 01 of the guys in the camp, armed with a sniper rifle, on the hunt to shoot down some jews, and while the psychopath is praising himself with how many jews he already shot dead with his sniper rifle Danny couldn't get it done and he misses his aims intended. The psycho gets aware of it and also of some jewish clothes Danny carried with him underneath his Bonehead clothes, and then a brawl starts between them after that the sniper is running away. And then more and more happens, for example they get arrested and have to take part in a 'talking-round' with survivors of the Schoah, and again that's really an impressive scene, also with all the Wehrmacht fantasies and that stuff, that's marking the movie from that point on again and again very strong. And while Danny is becoming also not just a stormtrooper or a bombing expert he's also working as an intellectual 'teacher' for the group, while they are planning to go to Washington D.C. and taking part in the 'ruling policy' and starting some 'working aggreements' with self proclaimed and so called left wingers like Chomsky, Danny is working with some of his 'old' friends of the terrorist training camp  together again for finally bombing a synagog. While all this happens a prominent jew of NYC got shot dead on the streets by the psychopath of the camp that came back from nowhere and shot the jewish man dead in the back and letting the newspapers know that he would be Danny, that from now on is suspected to be the sniper. So, Dannys situation is getting more and more just desperatly and while also the Neo-Nazi group is trying to get some distance between him and them Danny is meeting some old jewish school friends of him, and getting more and more into a growing deeper and brutal intense inner conflict, a violent conflict taht's raging in him, and as the reporter from the beginning of the movie is finally revealing Dannys 'little jewish secret' to the public, that's really laying the focus already more and more on the group and also Danny as their prominent radical and extreme member, the group called him to be schizophrenic or something like that and that they have nothing and never had something in common with him and his 'sick thinking'. You know the story... But all that couldn't stop Danny from placing a bomb in the synagog to which his former school friends now-a-days use to go. And then the movie is giving us an impressive end, showcasing self-sacrifice for really the 'higher go(o)d' or 'higher reason', and after the bomb exploded the last pictures back in the school are really that impressive and breath-taking, the whole final scene, that you really have to see it by yourself!!! Storming unstoppable upstairs to god and wanting to find out about believe!!! The believer who fall from grace 'cause of this 'self-sacrifice' mentality, because of that he once fell from grace, finally sacrificed himself for protecting the innocent from terror and death, by the way, that would have come over them 'cause of his own bomb, is now in Boots & Braces and a Swastika shirt on his way 'upstairs' to the jewish god, and that's just so incredible good written and played, yes, just phenomenal. By the way, like the whole movie, a just fantastic scene!!! It's a great one!!! Ah, but don't expect any 'Happy End'... because upstairs pretty sure waits nothing for Danny, like his former teacher (at a religious school, keep that in mind, the teacher says that above- where it should led to god- is NOTHING, and that's a statement of one of a kind of a movie) says to him in this scene. But, you know what, a Happy End would not fit this movie all too well...
After this characterization of the protagonist Danny, the polictical aspects of the movie and the just fantastic and grapping plot, yes, there's not much left to say about it anyhow. But: The movie is marked by (to me) unknown but damn great actors, one hell of an intense atmosphere, a very grapping plot, just pure great pictures and colors, and by a phenomenal intensity that's just sheer fantastic, and you really have to see it by yourself. And, once again: Don't expect any Skinhead movie, but a very grapping sketch of character and personal development with some strong political and religious standpoints to it and one of the damn best skripts and plots I ever enjoyed. A very special movie, and a simple fantastic one!!!
There are also some nice special features on the DVD and the whole artwork of it looks also pretty cool, like all the quality really knows how to convince one, at least me, haha;-)!!! Buy this movie and just damn enjoy it, one of the very best movies of all times to me!!! Ah, damn breath-taking and just fanztasic and intelligent and not retarded movie like you won't see it that often in your life to what circumstances ever. Ah, and yes, the movie is everything but (!!!) boring or something like this. My bottom line result? Okay, here it comes: Get it!!! Now!!! It's your damn duty!!! Cheers & Oi! (10 of 10 points)

PS: "INSIDE A SKINHEAD" - "THE BELIEVER" was primarly released already back in 2001 what I didn't know (and there wasn't any german version to get until the last year, at least for what I know), like Ryan of "THE SPIRIT OF YESTERDAY" already written in his comment to this movie review. Damn it! Again: Why it's just taking such a long time until such good movies finally come out on a regular basis over here?!? And, by the way, it seems that this movie here is also based on a true story, the story of a member of the KKK in the 1960's who was revealed to be a Jew by the investigative work of an "New York Times" reporter. On the left you now can see the original cover motif of the movie, and this combination of the Star of David and the Hitler Salute is really a pretty extreme image, if you ask me, and it's perfectly fitting to this also pretty extreme and very demanding and really grapping movie, so thumbs up for it, even it's a pretty clear why the movie was released over here in Germany with a different cover motif...
Ah, and now you get the official trailer of "INSIDE A SKINHEAD", so just lean back and thn enjoy it. Yes, and then go or come and buy this movie on DVD anyhow anyway possible.

"INSIDE A SKINHEAD"

(Official (?) Trailer)